Being The Bigger Person: Why It’s Time To Stop Engaging And Start Reclaiming

Over the weekend, I found myself in a “trying” situation with a man much older than me. For the sake of this story let’s name him “Perdedor” (Stop here and Google what that means). I just met Perdedor 30 minutes prior and now I was in a place where I had to choose. Do I cuss this old man out or do I be the bigger person? Well before we get to how I responded, lets start at the beginning shall we!

Setting the Scene

I received a text from my brother on Saturday to meet him at one of his friend’s house. Apparently, they were having a pool party and I’ve never been able to attend these lavish events due to scheduling issues. This was finally my time to attend and have an enjoyable night! My boyfriend and I arrived to a house full of friendly and inviting people. I was able to finally meet the owner and compliment her on how lovely her house was!

Prior to our arrival, my brother was involved in one intense spades game. Evidently it was so intense that once he and his partner won, the opponent (Perdedor) disappeared for quite awhile. Unbeknownst to us, he decided to rejoin the party but not before talking loads of crap about wanting a rematch. One thing lead to another and next we knew. . . a rematch was occurring.

The “Trying” Times

The game was quite intense but all the players seemed like they were genuinely enjoying themselves. Once the game was over, one of the players called a “renege” on one of his opponents. For anyone who doesn’t know what a renege is, it’s when a player fails to follow suit. There was a debate in the room on whether or not a person can call a renege after the game is over. Several of us who weren’t playing voiced our opinions, all of which were cohesive. I too agreed with the others that any renege should be called out during the game. Hence, to not get confused on who threw what cards out and when. (Which is why they were debating in the first place).

While I was voicing my opinion, Perdedor interrupted me and said “You need to be quiet!” My first response was shock. . . I couldn’t believe that this man had spoken to me in such a disrespectful way. However, if you know me then you know I oftentimes give people the benefit of the doubt. I understand how “heated” spades games can get and I knew he didn’t want to loose, yet again. So we all disregarded him and continued to debate with Perdedor and his teammate. I would say it took all of 60 seconds for Perdedor to say to me, “You need to be quiet and go outside somewhere!” At this point, I felt completely disrespected and was ready to say some volatile words that this man would never forget.

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Unexpected Growth

I couldn’t quite understand why Perdedor had verbally attacked me. There were several others in the room who had the same opinion as I. Was it because I was the only woman in the room? This can be a man who feels that “women need to stay in their place.” I wasn’t sure what to think but I knew I was going to cuss this old man out. Then something unexpected happened, I thought of the lovely woman that I met earlier. This was her house and I didn’t want to possibly offend or disrespect her. I also thought of my brother and boyfriend, how would they of reacted if I stooped down to his level. Who knows what else he could’ve said once I retaliated against him. It would kill me if my brother or boyfriend got in some type of trouble on my behalf.

I guess my brother’s friend saw the anger plastered on my boyfriend’s face; because he encouraged the both of us to step out of the room with him. During this time, one of the players tried to smooth the situation out by saying, “lets all remember that this is just a game.” He was right, it was just a game with no money on the table. Still, I was enraged with anger and wanted to go back inside and cause physical harm. I felt like a punk for not defending myself, how could I not engage with this man for disrespecting me! Then I thought again. . . how will I look if I were to retaliate? I rather be looked to as the respectable, classy woman, who was the bigger person. Not the ratchet girl who fought the token a-hole.

When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop down to their level. – Michelle Obama

Reclaiming Control

My brother’s friend calmed me down and noted that Perdedor’s behavior was uncalled for. Apparently, he is always like that but it’s no excuse in my book. Once we entered back inside, the vibe felt dampened after Perdedor’s verbal attack. As I waited for my brother to finish the game, I just couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. I glared at Perdedor and yelled out, “CAN I HAVE AN OPINION OR SHOULD I GO OUTSIDE?!” Everyone in the room looked at me in shock, as I had reverted back to my old ways. I had let my ego takeover and was ready to act like a fool. One guy responded quietly, “I don’t know because this isn’t my house.” I have to admit, I laughed on the inside at that! LOL!

My boyfriend responded saying, “You say whatever you want, because he’s not going to talk to me like he’s *f-bomb* crazy!” At that point, I knew it was time to go! This guy was the punk and didn’t deserve anymore of my energy. If you’re wondering, Perdedor said nothing in response to my boyfriend and I. . . which I expected. As we left the house, I felt elevated for having enough power to stop engaging and gain back control of myself. This guy was going to be the only one who looked like a “donkey,” not me. I’m sure he expected me to react differently and I’m glad that I didn’t fulfill his expectations. Not only that, I am a representation of my family and I would hate for the lovely owner of the house to look at us and our upbringing possibly negatively.

The Aftermath

I have to admit though. . . it’s HARD being the bigger person! That took a lot of willpower that I didn’t know I had. I’m so use to retaliating that I’ve second guessed my actions since that night. I wondered if I should’ve nicely “checked” him instead, but is there such a thing with me at this time? I don’t know if I’ve mastered the ability to be able to nicely check someone yet. Although I’ve thought about other ways I could’ve handled it, I feel pretty empowered. I know if I would’ve went toe to toe with the old man over a card game, I’d regret it. Why? Because wasting time and energy over a card game is just stupid. I know it’s hard and our egos get in the way, but some things simply aren’t worth it. Learning to walk away and leave with my dignity/reputation intact overrides anything else. As our First Lady once said, “When they go low, we go high.”

Let me know in the comments if you’ve gone through a situation where you had to be the bigger person. Was it difficult for you to take the high road? Please don’t forget to subscribe and follow me on my social media networks below!

Until Next Time ASSASSINS. . . Stay Motivated!

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