Four Skills That Can Help You Become an Effective Communicator
Relationships are hard and becoming an effective communicator is even harder. To be honest, 2015 is when I really started to research, teach and train myself on how to become an effective communicator. My specialty with communication was the “art” of being passive aggressive. . . and boy did I master it! Sometimes I still find myself practicing that method and although it gets the point across easily, it does not resolve any issues. I’ve learned the hard way that with ANY relationship, effective communication really is key! It’s the spoken phrase that we all know but oftentimes don’t put to use how we should. So I’m going to share with you the four skills that really helped me improve my communication and in result, better my relationships!
“You” Statements
There is nothing like a “You” statement to get those defenses up and ready! You know, the over exaggerated statements that blurt out of your mouth during the pit of an argument. Yes, those! For example, “You always. . . ” or “You never. . . ” and so on. This is the epitome of playing the blame game and directing all the issues onto the other person. Side bar but. . . have we ever asked ourselves if that person really does x, y and z all the time or did we kind of exaggerate that? Hmm lol. Nonetheless, once I learned how to eliminate these statements out of my vocabulary, I found that defenses on both sides dramatically decrease.
Watching Your Tone & Body Language
I have quite the attitude at times. . . in addition to a smart mouth and trust I wasn’t afraid to use it. However, in my new found attempt to be an effective communicator I knew this all had to go. The delivery of how something is communicated (just like “you” statements) is another big factor on decreasing defensiveness. Main things to keep in mind here is your tone and body language. Yelling, sarcasm, acting like you don’t care, staring at your phone, rolling of the eyes and anything else along these lines will definitely ignite the flames. Not to mention, doing any of that is quite rude to the other party. Instead, keep the tone calm (no matter how hard it is) and show that you’re actively engaged/listening.
P.S. Don’t let another party get you worked up where you begin yelling and screaming too. No point in stooping down to that level and making yourself look insane. Instead, remain calm and continue to speak respectfully and calmly. I mean. . . how can you continue to yell at a person who isn’t yelling at you? Lol. If remaining calm doesn’t work or you feel yourself about to explode, kindly tell them that you’re more than willing to continue the conversation when things can be talked about in a calm and healthy manner. I can attest that both of these methods have worked wonders and left me feeling empowered that I kept control of ME!
Listen To Understand
We can’t be the lawyer in our relationships that try to “win the battle” or have the last say so. The first two skills teach us on becoming an effective communicator by the words we use and how we use them. This skill teaches us that we need to actively listen to understand. . . NOT TO REBUTTAL! I would hear one thing I didn’t like and form a rebuttal while the other person was finishing their sentence. Such a big no-no! Once I stopped listening to respond and started listening to understand, communication for me improved quite quickly! This isn’t just during the times of disagreements or arguments either. It works for every time you have a conversation. . . even when you’re in the drive-through ordering food!
Being 100% Transparent
This is the hardest skill on the list because it requires you to accept your feelings and then express them. So let me just address the elephant in the room. . . you have to be vulnerable. I know, how can I possibly have the nerve to ask you to be vulnerable and 100% transparent during the heat of an argument. This is definitely not the time for that and we need to have guns blazing! No. . . get that defensiveness out of your body right now. Here is the time when you need to express why you’re feeling the way you are. So if x, y, and z hurt your feelings, then let that be known!
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I know it’s so much easier said than done (trust, this was the LAST skill I personally worked on!) but seriously, it really works! When I’m upfront and honest, the person on the receiving end typically responds understandingly and with love. The main point here is to get those feelings out and not keep them built up within. It’s a healthier lifestyle choice for you and the people closest around you. I promise it gets easier and easier with time!
Those are the four skills that helped me improve on becoming an effective communicator! Although these skills come easier to me now (after years of consistent practice) I still find myself learning new things almost daily. It’s a nonstop enlightening experience but so totally worth it! I hope these skills work for you too and if you have any experience with them or some tips of your own, please let me know in the comments! Don’t forget to subscribe and connect with me on social!
Until Next Time ASSASSINS. . . Stay Motivated!
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